想....家

病了一个星期，我都回家过。
因为家里有妈妈，一个可以照顾我无微不至的人。
今天要回去社会面对现实了，因为我的病假完了。
才回到大学五个小时，我又想家了。

如果能够放工后就回家，那是件幸福的事。
可惜的是，我回的叫宿舍。
宿舍，是一个装满对家里思念的人住的地方。
我思念我的家，我挂念我的家人。

我怀念每天和家人坐在一起吃饭。
我怀念每天和家人一起爱看电视。
我怀念每天和家人在一起生活。
我怀念家里的汤水和水果。

家，我爱你。
家人，我更爱你们。

桃花桃花，几时开花？

有人的桃花，一年四季都在开。
有人的桃花，十年应该才开一朵。
我的桃花呢？常年都在开着烂桃花。

Illusion Stress

Recently I had backed to the same place, a place where I depress and learn reality, my university. Finally I can release everything as I already completed my degree. I planned to further study for master and PhD program. Stress comes to attack me when there are no direction and no way out. It is not easy as you thought if you want to do something that is not familiar. I need to rush many place just to do the application for master study. It was done last week, so this week I decided to back Uni for preparation work. It was an empty shell for me to go back. Everyday I am like passing the day by day and waiting for the next instruction. I feel tired, exhausted. I heard my friends are busy with preparing their proposal as the deadline is coming near, but my title has not been settled down yet. So what can I do? Hang out everyday? Almost bankrupt and keep using all my saving. Aighh~ depress.....

What I Really Want

Suddenly, I felt I lose myself. I do not know what i really want and where is my direction. I had not faced such problem before as I always thought myself is good in planning my own future. But when the reality comes, I feel that I am useless and coward to face problem. Yes, I am not brave enough. When we are still young, we will follow what the reality want use to do, like going kindergarten, primary school, secondary school and the first decision of life had to be made which is whether you are going to continue study if you are flying color in academic or you choose to step in working community to earn money. I choose to continue my study in university, not because I have a flying color result, is I am lucky to be distributed to a nice course which is Materials Science. It was tough but not too difficult and now I score it as a second upper class. Not bad huh? After this, what should I do? Enter working society or continue further master study? I do want to earn money earlier but I wish to earn more money in the future. So I made a decision that I will further my study without any working experience (just want to save more time).

It is not easy as what you want to do and you can do it. I faced lots of troubles although some are light and some are heavy. I was nothing to do when my best friend who negotiate me for further study misunderstanding with me. I do not know what happen actually but he just ignore me and saying I am a poison man. I really upset but still I keep asking him what had happened actually, why will he suddenly change his mind to pursue PhD. Another trouble is I found out my master title is related to medical field, I need to study lots of journal to find out what is the materials I am going to do research on it. It is really tiring although I know I have to keep it on. Sometimes, I just hope someone who can share me his shoulder, encourage me always, care me and that was enough to me.

Finally I finish my degree and now I am having my last semester which is industrial training for 3 months. I was so excited as finally i could enter an office and have my own desk like what we see in TV. But what I forget is I am just an intern, a trainee. I had been changing seat for 4 times and I do not even have a seat when I enter my department. After 1 month of internship period, I have my own computer and own desk.  I have to learn a lot of things included new knowledge, communication skill, time management and learn how to appreciate your rest time. Why do I say so? It is just because your working hour is long but your rest time is less. When you are really busy until you are exhausted, you really hope you can rest longer but the time still running like Liu Xiang, fast and you can't stop it. I met different styles of people in my working place. On of my colleague who is also a trainee always compete with me. He seems like little jealous about me as our supervisor always teach me lots of things and then only ask me to teach him. He is good in academic as I found that his campus environment always in competing mode. That's why he is so good in memory. What I noticed is he is not humble enough. Besides working, we are good friends. It is really an special experience I learn in workplace's communication.  I have to think free and easy when people urging or treating you bad, if not, I will get angry everyday and keep asking "why those people always like a shit".

Recently, I face my biggest crisis which is financial problem. I must guess it earlier as I bought lots of branded stuffs before. The reason why will I fall into this crisis is after I bought a new DSLR, a pair of dumbell and my future trip to Vietnam. I don't have enough money to pay it all as my cash in hand is not enough. That is why I have to see people face as I borrow money from my sister. Ishhh!!!! Really poor now. I am tired of getting so many stress although I know I can manage it. But I lost my initiative. I need a lover as soon as possible. I need his encouragement, his caring, his shoulder. Lord, can you please give me one? Haha~ I know finding a suitable and long-term relationship is not easy, as my status is not acceptable by everyone. By the way, I need to cheer myself up, find back my own initiative without rely on anyone.

最近挑战特别多

第三年的生活虽然没有很多的课可以上，但是单单一样毕业论文就可以吃掉你整天的时间。
踏入四月份，我以为实验早做完就能轻松一下，虽然我的实验因为机器有问题而被逼换其他简单的实验。
担心的是，由于实验简单，报告变得更难写了。
要把一样小事变大事真的不简单。
我写了很久，终于把论文给搞定了。
说是搞定，却错误一大堆。要改其实也不需要用很多的时间，但需要很多的脑力。
真的不明白，每个教授的教导方式都不同，让我们做的论文也不一样，那不是有点不公平吗？
有的同学做的实验简单，遇到的教授是好人。
而我的论文不知是幸运还是倒霉，遇到的是个奇怪的教授。

别人的论文只需要四十页，我的却要一百页。
别人的论文会被细心的改，我的却要我自己去改。
压力啊！我真的不知道他想要什么。
已经很久没有早睡了，痛苦。

最近真的忙碌到不行，有天妈妈打电话来说二姨车祸送院。
真的吓了一跳。希望二姨能够早日康复。
做多点好事，但愿霉运会赶快离开。
愿大家都幸福，顺利，健康，快乐。

My Temporary Disconteted

I have a lot of discontented in my life. The bad feeling will make me feel stress.
I really feel that my stress has been increased since i accept my present room-mate to share room.
Not because he is not good, is just his behavior doesn't suit me.
He stay in room most of the time, this make me inconvenience to do my physical exercise in room.
I though when he went out for lunch or dinner, i can use this short time to do some exercise.
But then normally he bought food and ate in room. I lose my time to do my own thing in room.

I feel like I don't have privacy anymore. Before this room-mate, i had 2 former room-mate. The second room-mate really friend with me, we have own privacy and do whatever we want in room.
Maybe his characteristic and mindset are similar with me, I didn't face any trouble to live with him.
We use to listen to music together, we use to watch movie in room together, we even dine together.
Now what make me feel uncomfortable is my present room-mate is a bookworm.
He study all the time but sometimes he will watch his favorite Hong Kong variety show.
Frankly, i do not like his laughter. He wear ear phone, but laughter is worse.

Another thing I do not like is he switch on the light all the time. We both have our own desk for  study, and provided with a table lamp. I can't understand why he needs to switch on table lamp and ceiling light in day time since my room have enough sunlight. It is a wasting behavior that i do not like and make the room over-bright. My eyes feel pain. Really feel like to ask him "are you blind?".

I really miss my former room-mate because we both can live under a "romantic condition". We just use our own table lamp and only use the ceiling light at night. I think it is environmental friendly and suitable bright for eyesight. And now everyday i have to wear my ear phone cause I don't wanna interrupt his study. But his laughter already disturb me. Arshhh!!  I should not care such a small stuff but it's really disturbing. Let's keep my patience for the last 2 months...

Is a mistake...

It's a big mistake to accept a new roomate...
I feel like no more freedom, the room is no longer belong to me...
The lifestyle is not suitable for me.
arhh!!! Stress!!!!

好朋友

到现在为止，我还是把你当成我最好的朋友。
那你呢？我想这份友情已经变了。
从我们什么秘密都可以分享到不想再分享大家的秘密。
从很多话题变很少话题，我真的担心有天我们会没有话题。
也许你已经觉得我很烦了。

最近的心情都不是很好，不知为什么，你对我真的越想越多了。
甚至我说一些普通的道理，你都会觉得很敏感。
为什么会这样呢？你几时和她一样，这么喜欢把我的秘密说出去？
我真的很不高兴，但我现在觉得如果有天我们绝交了你也不会怎样。
失望，我很失望我们的友谊也会走到这一步。
说真的，我对你的信任已经慢慢减少了。

有时候旁观者说得对，你对别人好未必别人会一样对你好。
你当别人是好朋友，未必得到对方的认可。
突然间，我越来越觉得事实真的是这样。
以前的你，会很主动找我吃饭聊天的。
现在的你，也只会远离我。

是这样吗？我不想想太多。因为我控制不了。
我能够做的，我想就是当作没有一回事，继续做回以前的我。
至于你要怎样对我，我也不会执着于你的选择了。

友谊就像化学里说的"bond"。
我们的友谊属于坚强又强壮的"hydrogen bond"？
还是软弱无比的"covalent bond"？
真正的考验终于来了。

car is important

Finally I can feel that u cant live in malaysia without a car. Malaysia public transport is like a shit! Slow, not on time and full with those smelly person. Ishhhh!! I wanna bring a car.

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Tight or Loose?

When you are fall in love with someone, and you do not know about what is the people thinks about you, what should you do? Should you giving more concern to him/her or just give him/her some freedom (means when he/she needs you, he/she will find you)? Hmm, this is about active and passive. To someone who is active, you should show your passive; to someone who is passive, you should show your active. Is that true?

I totally cannot guess what the person want and what the person need. I need some direction. You know, waiting is kind of suffering. But forgetting is a type of ignoring... At least you don't need to think too much that the moment of waiting. I find that it is really wasting time to keep waiting for that. In this moment, i started to watch Korean show which named 'Running Man'. It is super funny and bring cheer to me. Especially when i see Gary's perseverance towards Song Ji Hyo. His love still the same towards her. This is so touchful when Ji Hyo gives some react to Gary. Haha! Fighting, Gary~ Bless you both...

Hmmm, i will try my best as Gary did. Hopefully, you will give me a chance to take care of you.

大马的地铁上...

在大马有很多不同公司的地铁，当中有个地铁属于大马历史悠久，拥有百年服务的KTM。KTM的覆盖范围很广，路线也很方便，所以成为很多人的乘搭，但却不得到大家的喜爱，因为它总是让你又爱又恨。爱，是因为路线很方便；恨是因为很多方面。

先说服务和系统，KTM给的服务还不错，可惜不是每个工作人员都是一样地和蔼可亲、亲切地对待或帮助每一位顾客。其实问题是出在系统上，这百年的公司犹如百年的机器，从来没有进步的空间。让顾客刷卡的机器每个月大约会坏个两三次，没有一次火车是准时到的，加上速度好像在大海里坐舢板船一样的慢。

最近KTM进了一批从中国运来的新火车，因为之前都是用韩国Hyundai的旧货。以为换了火车就能够舒服地抵达目的地，怎知道新火车会越坐越累，越坐会越埋怨。 三十五分钟的车程被拖延到一个小时，而且只是短短的路程，真的叫人难以接受。

除了不准时和速度慢的问题，我想大家都会面对的问题就是有很多味道很重的人和一些变态佬。每一次都会有外劳的存在，不是要针对他们，只是他们的味道也过度浓郁，偶尔令到我们很难呼吸呢。除了味道，我还曾经被非礼过，感觉上真的很想杀掉他们。不是因为我被非礼而生气，而是我被肮脏又粘粘的手摸来摸去。

恐怖之余也可以看到人性的丑态，年轻的一辈总是在火车上大吵大闹，根本不会让位需要座位的人 。老一辈的人总是爱讲电话讲大大声，怕死别人听不到这样。当你遇到帅哥的时候，帅哥的眼神总会望着你，这是求助的眼神？还是放电的眼神？ 哈哈～ 我喜欢这样的感觉。

Ignore me?

Why everyone like to ignore me? Just because i am not cute as pokemon, not handsome than Brad Pitt, not muscular as Hugh Jackman? Ishh... everyone will only find me when they meet trouble.
If you really know my advice is so work, then you should not treat me like an instructor. Please treat me as your friend. Don't always find me when you meet trouble. I am not your task manager, i am not your trouble killer. I am just your friend.

I should be more independent. Living without you all, although i will not happy, but at least i won't sad because of caring how you treat me. I look like an idiot who always waste my time on nonsense. I am feeling not good all the way from yesterday till today. I just need someone to concern me, but who? Nobody care about me. Even i help you a lot, you still never treat me like a true friend. I feel sad, I feel hurt.

减肥是为了自己，不是为了别人。

在面子书上一个四十三岁的模特儿，拥有一个二十几岁的身材，三十岁的样貌。
一个整天玩面子书的我，二十三岁，却像个三十岁的样貌，四十岁的身材。
惭愧，超级惭愧的。
就是因为自己的懒惰，造成一事无成的自己。
上个学期，勤劳读书的我，去了哪里？我就连我的报告写了两个星期都才做了几面。突然觉得自己真的浪费了很多时间。我的判断能力差了，做什么都婆婆妈妈了。

今天收拾行李回家的时候，才发现自己用了整个早上才能收拾好。只是回家几天而已，却什么都不知道要怎么处理。好惨啊～不能再网上无所事事了，一定要把东西做完才能娱乐啊～
小弟，你又不是不知道后果，干嘛要这样堕落呢？赶快把报告写好，然后开始拟构整本毕业论文啦。

减肥的路程虽然艰辛，希望我能够做回一个二十三岁的身材和样貌。

I should be the one

Don't worry, it's not your fault, i should be the one who say sorry to myself. I understand that i should not interrupt too much about it. I just hope some days you will belong to me. But you told me you love him very much, you will feel guilty when you are close to me. I am not willing to accept, but I have to. Perhaps I will not contact with you anymore. Best wishes for you.

ASAP quit smoking campaign concert

wuhooo~ it's a free admission concert held in UKM just now. Luckily, i am attending it. Feeling so excited and rock myself on at the ASAP quit smoking campaign concert. The artists who perform tonight included Amy Wang (who is my favorite), Iqwal (well, the emcee keep saying he is so famous but i don't really know who is him), Tuxy (who is a beat-box brilliant), Liyana Jusmay (actress from a malay show) and Vic Teo (Malaysian's Idol 2nd Runner up).

It suppose to be a successful event as many artists from Malaysia joining this concert, but still UKM's people are not active and too active. For those who are not active, they just coming university for study, attend class and going back to their own room. For those who are too active, their meeting never finish. Perhaps I already quit from the "too active" category.

The program start with a short movie directed by a young director, Aaron. The movie is quite nice but I am too tired to watch it. I started to wake up when the first artist show off her voice. She is Amy Wang. I had listened to her voice live quite few times, so today i feel excited because I can listen to her once again. I like her singing especially the song "wo shi yi zhi xiao xiao niao".

And the last part was memorable because is a male artist - Vic Teo. He has a small tummy, i can see it when he keep clapping his hands... wahaha! and he is wearing CK undies. Sexy man~ I am really tired now like going to club. Let's think back, i has been 1 year time din step into any club, am I consider a good boy now? hmm, I am good boy, but wild. Time to bath, wash away all the sweat and have a good night.

Good Morning World...

Not well sleeping last night. And the consequence for today is, i feel sleepy and tired. Arh! Gosh!  Will i fall asleep in class later? Hopefully not, it's better for me to sit behind today. La~ La~ La~ What's a lazy day...

Life without prediction

We always do a lot of plannings in our life, this is because we try to manage our life well. But could we predict our life and expect what will happen next? The answer is no. But to overcome problems facing in the future, we may do a lot of preparations too. No matter in physical or mental. There were lots of things happened before this, i couldn't remembered all very well. But the lesson i get it now is "always contented to what you have now", this is what i realized when i am getting older. My dearest room-ate is going for internship, at first, i thought i will be having the room alone, this mean that i can conquer such a big space, then i can bring my friends come back to have party. But the officer told me that he has to pay RM 100 for JAKSA fees, i think it is not worth, so i told him no need to register for the room. And now, i got a new handsome room-ate. Hopefully we may live peacefully, but i guess so as he is a nice guy.

Today my sister sends a message to me, she said i might return the flight ticket money to her as soon as possible as she is very poor now. Hmm, she is working and she is asking money from me urgently. Weird lol... i only have money in my PTPTN account. Now only i realized i also poor, i spent lots of money outing last year, i bought a lot of expensive things last year, and i use lots of money for traveling. Oh my goddess, how come i never have a good planning? (Actually i did a planner, but i ignore it)... Just ignore it, starting from today, i need to be save... Save more money to do other thing. By the way, i need to read a lot of journal and patterns for my final year project and also internship. Life is never been easy, work harder and play harder!

Here i attached a picture of my yesterday's meal: Sarawakian Laksa. I bought it from Kuching last last week. Hmm, delicious~ What do you think?

it's a long long time

Life always happened with the happy and unhappy things around us. Making us busy to overcome every moment. Rest is for walking further, so... ... Good night.

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